When I was a young boy, my father said to me: "Oi, Gunther, what you doin', you can't keep plantin' seeds! Farmin's nearly dead, you need to use your 'ead, Why don't you get some proper work?" And here is what I said: I can't read and I can't write but that don't really ma'er, 'cause I live in Montague where ... come from the countryside and I can drive a tra'er! Every day I sing and dance and I can't sing and I can't dance but that is all that matters that don't really ma'er, 'cause I live in Montague where ... come from the countryside and I've got friends with tra'ers! I can drive a ... My father did resist, he even twist my wrist; he made me try new things... like plumbin'? I tried an office job; it really was a slob, and in the end I just gave up -- I couldn't give a parsnip! Daddy was upset -- he said he lost a bet; I wish he could see city life ain't for me. I'm alright on the farm -- I sure can't do no harm to people on the street when I got wellies on my feet! I can't read ... Some jobs I just can't do, like scrapin' up cow poo, and scrapin' up chicken poo, and basically anything to do with poo. I tried to milk a cow, I didn't quite know how, so I grabbed at her udder and well she kicked me in the face. (Moo) I did grow fruit and veg, then a pig broke through the hedge, and ate all my prised sprouts ... Mmm, bacon. I did try growin' wheat, but I was met with defeat, when it turned out to be corn. That's what you get for reading the Montague Reporter watching Countryfile and not really paying attention to the job at hand I can't read ... I can't read ...
recording: Gunther Farmer (2014) [YouTube]
observed: Cheltenham Town football cheer (1999) [The Guardian]
observed: Southampton football cheer (2007) [Urban Dictionary]
observed: Inside My Head by Jim Carrington (2010) [Google Books]
observed: Cheltenham Town football cheer (~2010) [Terrace Chants]
observed: Southampton football cheer (strawberry verse, 2018) [Sotonians]
observed: Bristol City football cheer (2020) [Twitter]
observed: Cheltenham Town football cheer (2020) [YouTube]
observed: Brechin City cheer [Fan Chants]