At the big diving meet at our school A diver, ol' Stanley O'Toole, Did a horrified flip that the judges scored zip, The worst ever seen at our pool Well, the spectators let out a roar, But Stanley had more thrills in store His next dive was poorer -- he caused such a furor They gave him a negative score He got less than zero, less than zero The scores are running in reverse Less than zero, he's an anti-hero "Watch me go from bad to worse!" At dance contest down by the shore Stan tripped and fell on the floor The judge cried "PU! You get negative two" Said Stan with a grin "Less is more!" He got less than zero, less than zero He's a negative, negative guy Less than zero, he's an anti-hero "Worse is nothin' is my battle cry!" When he skated for the roses at the roller-rink The judges held their noses and said "Stan, you stink! You're so bad we got to give you a subzero score" It added up to negative twenty-four Stan entered a hammer throw meet He set a record that no-one would beat He threw it behind him! the score they assigned him Was negative fifty-five feet He got less than zero, less than zero No ifs, and no ands, and no buts Less than zero, he's an anti-hero "I'm a certified nationwide klutz!" "I'm a certified nationwide klutz!"
recording: music video from Square One Television [YouTube]
recording: Square One Television episode 103 (full episode) (1987) [YouTube]
notes: authorship suggestion [Muppet Wiki]