OH! THAT GORGONZOLA CHEESE

(by Harry Champion)

My wife lately bought a Gorgonzola cheese
  She got it in a shop marked 'cheap'
She thought that her loving husband it would please
  If only to my birthday it would keep
She took that cheese and she locked it in a drawer
  A month went by or perhaps a little more
Some friends came on my birthday and the dinner went off great
  But when the Missus placed the Gorgonzola on a plate

	Oh! that Gorgonzola cheese
	  It wasn't over healthy I suppose
	Our tomcat fell a corpse upon the mat
	  When the 'Niff' got up his nose
	Talk about the flavour of the 'crackling on the pork'
	  Nothing could have been so strong
	As the beautiful effluvia that filled our house
	  When the Gorgonzola cheese went wrong

My wife felt a bit offended just because
  The Company exclaimed "Great Scott"
They wanted to know what sort of animal it was
  And they asked me if a license I had got
The fire went dead clean out, and so did one
  Of my old pals, who came back with a gun
Said he "Stand clear, chaps, I mean to fire; that cheese I mean to kill"
  But when he'd blown it all to bits, it got more lively still

	Oh! that Gorgonzola cheese ...

Well those bits of cheese, they had done a waltz about the place
  And at 'tag' they soon began to play
But when two pieces down the passage had a race
  I thought I'd caught the hydrophobi-a
We tried everything, but nothing did no good
  Destroy that cheese, why, I thought we never would
Until somebody chanced to light a good old 'penny smoke'
  The Gorgonzola cried, "I'm done, it's time for me to croak"

	Oh! that Gorgonzola cheese ...

recording: Robin Williamson (1978) [YouTube]