(as sung by Ed Emery)

I was standing in the fish shop, 
  I'd an hour or two to wait,
'Cos the gentleman who kept the place 
  was filleting a skate

So I sang a little chorus, 
  just to pass the time away,
When a great big oyster looked at me 
  and jumped out of the tray.

He bit a lobster's leg off, 
  and that fishman was so wild!
He said "Now stop that singing!
  didn't you learn as a child ... that ...

	"A noise annoys an oyster, 
	    but a noisy noise annoys an oyster more.

	When the west wind whistles through the 
	  whiskers of a shrimp
	    The poor old oyster feels a trifle limp.

	He'll murder mussels if the 
	  seaweed rustles
	    Or the cockles croak a chorus on the shore

	For a noise annoys an oyster,
	    But a noisy noise annoys an oyster more."

I was cross with that young oyster, 
  very very cross indeed
So when the fuss was over, 
  being of the bulldog breed,

I scooped him out and and swallowed him, 
  and said "Now there, old thing, 
that'll teach you to go biting lobsters 
  just because I choose to sing."

And as in my intestines 
  he began to loop the loop,
I said to the man sitting next to me 
  "Don't gargle with your soup ... because ...
	"A noise annoys an oyster ...
	"A noise annoys an oyster ...

recording: Ed Emery (2018) [YouTube]